Conan O"Brien， American taIk show host， comic actor， writer
Dartmouth CoIIege， JuIy 4th， 2011
Work hard， be kind， and amazing things wiII happen.
努力工作，待人厚道，奇迹就会发生。
Conan O"Brien
背景故事
高校的毕业典礼是庄重而严肃的，通常是由名人和成功人士发表演说，2011年的达特茅斯学院迎来了脱口秀主持人，喜剧表演演员——柯南·奥布莱恩，他发表了一次幽默风趣的演讲，这为时24分钟的演讲，让学生们不仅学到了人生的智慧，还享受一次幽默的脱口秀。让我们一起来享受这美妙的24分钟吧！
名人简介
柯南·奥布莱恩生于1963年4月18日，着名美国脱口秀主持人、喜剧表演演员、作家、制作人。目前他担任美国有线电视台TBS的夜间脱口秀《柯南》（Conan）的主持人。2010年原本接替NBC当家脱口秀“名嘴”杰·雷诺主持该台王牌节目《晚间秀》的柯南·奥布莱恩在短短7个月之后，便被NBC电视台换下，杰·雷诺宣布复出，扬言要扭转收视下滑的颓势。而不愿做回老时段节目的柯南被NBC“给钱遣散”，之后便暂别了电视荧屏，花落TBS之后，重新出发的柯南·奥布莱恩再次加入了晚间节目的鏖战，与昔日东家“翻脸”成了竞争对手。
演讲赏析
Not Fear Failure， Do Your Best to Avoid It
Conan O"Brien， American taIk show host， comic actor，
writer Dartmouth CoIIege， JuIy 4th， 2011
I"ve been living in Los Angeles for two years， and I"ve never been this cold in my life. I will pay anyone here $300 for GORE-TEX gloves. Anybody. I"m serious. I have the cash.
Before I begin， I must point out that behind me sits a highly admired President of the United States and decorated war hero while I， a cable television talk show host， has been chosen to stand here and impart wisdom. I pray I never witness a more damning example of what is wrong with America today.
Graduates， faculty， parents， relatives， undergraduates， and old people that just come to these things：Good morning and congratulations to the Dartmouth Class of 2011. Today， you have achieved something special， something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know：a college diploma. That"s right， with your college diploma you now have a crushing advantage over 8 percent of the workforce. I"m talking about dropout losers like Bill Gates， Steve Jobs， and Mark Zuckerberg. Incidentally， speaking of Mr. Zuckerberg， only at Harvard would someone have to invent a massive social network just to talk with someone in the next room.
My fi rst job as your commencement speaker is to illustrate that life is not fair. For example， you have worked tirelessly for four years to earn the diploma you"ll be receiving this weekend. That was great.
And Dartmouth is giving me the same degree for interviewing the fourth lead in Twilight. Deal with it. Another example that life is not fair：if it does rain， the powerful rich people on stage get the tent. Deal with it.
I would like to thank President Kim for inviting me here today. After my phone call with President Kim， I decided to fi nd out a little bit about the man. He goes by President Kim and Dr. Kim. To his friends， he"s Jim Kim， J to the K， Special K， JK Rowling， the Just Kidding Kimster， and most puzzling， "Stinky Pete."He served as the chair of the Department of Global Health and Social Medicine at Harvard Medical School， spearheaded a task force for the World Health Organization on Global Health Initiatives， won a MacArthur Genius Grant， and was one of TIME Magazine"s 100 Most Infl uential People in 2006.Good God， man， what the hell are you compensating forSeriously. We get it. You"re smart. By the way Dr. Kim， you were brought to Dartmouth to lead， and as a world-class anthropologist， you were also hired to fi gure out why each of these graduating students ran around a bonfi re 111 times.
But I thank you for inviting me here， Stinky Pete， and it is an honor. Though some of you may see me as a celebrity， you should know that I once sat where you sit. Literally. Late last night I snuck out here and sat in every seat. I did it to prove a point：I am not bright and I have a lot of free time.
But this is a wonderful occasion and it is great to be here in New Hampshire， where I am getting an honorary degree and all the legal fi reworks I can fi t in the trunk of my car.
You know， New Hampshire is such a special place. When I arrived I took a deep breath of this crisp New England air and thought， "Wow， I"m in the state that"s next to the state where Ben and Jerry"s ice cream is made."
But don"t get me wrong， I take my task today very seriously. When I got the call two months ago to be your speaker， I decided to prepare with the same intensity many of you have devoted to an important term paper. So late last night， I began. I drank two cans of Red Bull， snorted some Adderall， played a few hours of Call of Duty， and then opened my browser. I think Wikipedia put it best when they said"Dartmouth College is a private Ivy League University in Hanover， New Hampshire， United States."Thank you and good luck.
To communicate with you students today， I have gone to great lengths to become well-versed in your unique linguistic patterns. In fact， just this morning I left Baker Berry with my tripee Barry to eat a Billy Bob at the Bema when my fl itz to Francesca was Blitz jacked by some d-bag on his FSP.
Yes， I"ve done my research. This college was named after the Second Earl of Dartmouth， a good friend of the Third Earl of UC Santa Cruz and the Duke of the Barbizon School of Beauty. Your school motto is"Vox clamantis in deserto， "which means"Voice crying out in the wilderness."This is easily the most pathetic school motto I have ever heard. Apparently， it narrowly beat out"Silently Weeping in Thick Shrub"and"Whimpering in Moist Leaves without Pants."Your school color is green， and this color was chosen by Frederick Mather in 1867 because， and this is true-I looked it up-"it was the only color that had not been taken already."I cannot remember hearing anything so sad.
Dartmouth， you have an inferiority complex， and you should not.
