罗俊·胡适德继续地说：因为，这不是和孩子做朋友，这好像是要恩赐给孩子一个“朋友”；这不是沟通，这只是一相情愿式的宣告。以前，你总是以旧式父母的身份对孩子说教、训话、责骂，现在突然一下“要”和孩子做朋友了，还是你父母要如何便如何。这种以上对下、颐指气使的态度早就让孩子十分厌恶了。怎么能你要训就训，要打就打，要做朋友就做朋友，孩子只有听命就范的份儿？这在当今的孩子来说，是很难接受的。
“做朋友”是一个过程，需要时间，需要互动，需要深入的心灵沟通，不是这种形式上的单方面说一下就可以了。若真要和孩子“做朋友”，应该是和孩子“交朋友”。这个“交”就是交流，就是沟通，就是要用日常种种真诚的行为去让孩子感受你内在的心迹。直到孩子真的觉得你是他的朋友的时候，你才能与孩子成为彼此的朋友，能彼此谈心、交心的朋友。
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所谓“沟通”，必须是两相情愿的心灵交流，必须是平等的、互动的、真诚的、朋友式的、发自内心的心灵沟通。要想和孩子沟通好，一定要了解孩子，不能抱着老观点：“自己的孩子，我还不了解他？哼！都是他不懂事。”持这种想法的家长们，是不可能作好与孩子的心灵沟通的。他们只有及时学会自我反省，体会与时俱进的深刻含意，才有可能真正了解自己孩子的心事。
过去这一二十年间，三方面的社会转型同时进行，时代在迅猛发展，信息在飞速更新，有部分家长是有些不太跟得上的。 而且也正是由于变化太快，孩子年龄较小，对此前发生在父母身上的事不可能真正理解。他们总觉得那是好遥远好遥远的往事，与他们没有任何关系，而且那些事情也不会发生在自己身上。不但对之毫无兴趣，还觉得父母对这些恰似旧谷子烂芝麻的旧事一再提起，让他们非常厌烦，根本听不进去，嫌父母啰唆，渐渐从情感上离父母越来越远。这样一来，就造成了现代青少年与长辈之间难以逾越的“鸿沟”。
孩子是未成年人，也就是说还处于“不懂事的年纪”。但是要记住，我们不能这样去给他们贴标签，那样只会使他们反感。因为，孩子们总认为他们什么都知道，他们常常反倒觉得父母什么都不知道，起码远不如他们知道得多——那些不怎么与时俱进的家长们也的确如此。父母作为成年人，应该有更强的自制力，不要和孩子斤斤计较，切不要动不动就说：“你知道个屁！”心里也不要这样去感觉。不然，就难以心平气和地与孩子谈话，更谈不上什么心灵沟通了。
要和孩子沟通好，父母首先要做好前面提到的几条：一定要放松心态，以缓和谈话氛围；分清大事小事，以把握好互动分寸；学会理性“抱怨”，使孩子感受到你生活中更真实的一面，即让他更全面地明白你的内心世界。此外，父母还要尝试着走进孩子的思想领域及生活圈，如邀请孩子的朋友来家里聚一聚，以了解他的结交范围和兴趣爱好；自己也要学会运用电脑和上网，以便能通过网络与孩子沟通；跟孩子的老师谈一谈，更多地掌握孩子的情况动向。如亲情有所好转，可以带孩子一起出门散散步或旅旅游等。这样，亲子之间的共同语言就渐渐多起来，家庭气氛慢慢好起来，双方交谈越来越自然，真正的亲子沟通就水到渠成了。
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Hushide · Junluo continue to say: because it is not and the children make friends, it seems to be a gift to the children to a "friend"; This is not to communicate, this is just wishful style declaration. Previously, you always to the identity of the children of old parents preach, lecture, scold, and now suddenly look "to" friends and children, or how your parents would be. More on this, the dictates of the attitude of the child is already tired. How can you be training on the training, fight hit, do friends make friends, the children left out only orders to give in? This is today’s children, is unacceptable.
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"Friends" is a process, takes time, require in-depth soul-the unilateral form that this is not what you can. And children if we have "friends", and children should be "friends." The "cross" is the exchange, is communication, is to use the daily behavior of many sincere feelings of your inner child to feel. Until the child really think you are his friend, you can become each other’s friends and children can talk to each other, to ingratiate themselves with friends.
The so-called "communication", the mind must be consensual exchange, must be equal, interactive, sincere, a friend type, from the heart of spiritual communication. And children in order to communicate well, be sure to understand their children, can not hold the old view: "their children, I do not know him? Well! Is his ignorance." Parents who hold this idea, it is impossible for good communication with the child’s mind. They only have time to learn self-reflection, understand the profound implications of the times, could truly understand their child’s mind.
The past two decades, three aspects of social transformation at the same time, the era of rapid development, rapid updating of information in, some parents do not keep up with some of. And it is precisely because change is too fast, younger children, for parents who had something in can not really understand. They always think that it is a good a good distant distant past, and they do not have any relationship, but those things do not happen to them. Not only of no interest, these parents also feel like the old rotten sesame millet old things again mentioned, so they are very tired, do not listen, too rebuff parents, gradually more and more emotionally distant from their parents. As a result, they created a modern youth and elders insurmountable between the "gap."
Children are minors, that is still in the "naive age." But remember, we can not go to their label, which would only make them offensive. Because kids always think they know everything, they started to feel that their parents often do not know anything, at least much much better than they know - the times that parents are not very true. Parents as adults, there should be more self-control, and children do not care about, do not cut always say: "Do you know ass!" My heart do not feel this way. Otherwise, it is difficult to talk calmly with your child, let alone what the mind communicate.
And children to communicate well, parents must first make a few mentioned earlier: Be sure to relax the mind, to ease the conversation atmosphere; to distinguish between big and small, to grasp the interactive sense of proportion; learn to reason "complained" to make the child feel your life in the more realistic side, that made him more fully understand your inner world. In addition, parents should try to enter the field of children’s thinking and living area, such as inviting a friend to the child’s family to get together, to make him understand the scope and interests; we also have to learn to use computers and the Internet, in order to pass network and communicate with their children; talk with your child’s teacher, the child’s grasp of the situation more movement. Such as the family has improved, you can walk out with the kids or travel and tourism. Thus, a common language between parent and child to gradually increased, the family atmosphere gradually get better, the two sides to talk more and more natural, the real parent-child communication is straightforward.
Would like to know how the funeral? Please read the first chapter decomposition 【167】
