我具有再多的精力，也会被对她的热情吞噬掉；我具有再多的天赋，没有她与它（指薪金）一切的工作也都将化作乌有。
我已经有上百次几乎就要拥抱她了！伟大的主会知道的，当一个人面前摆着那么可爱的东西而有不能伸出手去攝取（指脑力劳动所得的薪金）时。我的心头会有多难受，读者你可想而知。攝取本是人类最自然的欲望。婴儿不总是伸出小手抓住他们喜爱的一切么？——可我呢？
136書屋 136book.com
上帝知道，我只有在写作写到夜深人静，准备上床休息时常常怀着这样的一种希冀，是的，有时甚至是渴望：不要再醒来吧！——因此，第二天，当我早上睁开眼睛又见到太阳时，心里便异常难受，又要为今天的柴米油盐而担忧。唉，要是我在心绪不佳时能怪天气。怪第三者，怪一件没做完成的事情，那也倒好，我身上的难受劲儿定会减少一半。多可悲呀，我的感觉千真万确，一切的过错全在于我自己！因为我和我们都无权说他人之话，只有记录和听取汇报。——不，不能说是过错。总之，正如一度一切幸福的根源全存在于我本身，一切痛苦的根源全存在于我自己的身上。当初，我满心欢喜地到处游逛，走到那儿，那儿就变成了天国，心胸开阔得可以容得下整个宇宙，难道这个我不是同一个人么？可如今，这颗心已经死去，从中再也涌流不出欣喜之情；我的眼睛枯涩了，再也不能以莹洁的泪水滋润我的感官；我的额头更是可怕地皱起来啦。我痛苦之极；我已失去了自己生命中唯一的快乐，唯一神圣的、令我振奋的力量，我用它来创造自己周围的世界的力量，这力量业已消逝！
我望着窗外的山岗，只见日光刺破岗上的浓雾，渗入了下面布满了青草的静静的草地上；在已经有落叶的柳丝间，一条蜿蜒曲折的小河缓缓向我流来……呵，要是这如此美好的景色已象一幅漆画似的在我眼前凝滞不动，不能再娱悦我心，使它产生出丝毫的幸福感觉，那我这整个人在上帝面前不就成了一口干涸的水井一只破底儿的水桶么。我常常扑倒在地，泪流满面地祈求上苍，象一个头顶上是铁青色的天，四周是干涸的土地的农夫在祈雨一样。心里暗道：这有失一个受过高等教育的国家干部，但现实又令我们不得不这样，真是求天天不应，问地地比灵，问法法不理，立案拿钱来，说的是一样，做的又是另一种，关系网重重的人世，谁有能改变？只不过是将它（指本人所处的一切）化为历史罢了。
但是，唉，我感觉到，上帝绝不会因为我们拼命地写出哀求的文章就赐给我们雨水和阳关或是金钱之类的！还是要他们可怜我们，帮助我们做一些该做的。可这些我一回首就心里难过的过去的时光，它们为何如此幸福呢？那时我十分耐心地期待着他的精神来感召我，满怀感激地、专心一意地接受着她倾注到我身上的欢欣。
若想知后事如何？请阅读第【五十六】章分解
I have more energy, she will be out for the warm up; I have more talent, and she did it (referring to salary) of all the work into Ukraine will have.
I already have almost a hundred times it is necessary to embrace her! The great master will know that when a person before them so lovely things and not have to reach out to intake (from the mental refers to the salary),. My heart will be more uncomfortable, you can imagine the readers. The present intake is the most natural human desire. Small babies do not always extend their hand to seize all the love you? - Me?
God knows, I only wrote Writing in the dead of night, ready to go to bed rest, often with such a hope, yes, sometimes even desire: to wake up and stop it! - As a result, the next day, in the morning when I opened my eyes to see the sun again, it was unusually hard for me to have to worry about today’s Chaimiyouyan. Oh, if my mind can blame poor weather. Blame a third party, not a strange thing to do to complete, it would Daohao, I found the hard trial of strength will be reduced by half. Sadly, more than you, I feel absolutely true, all the fault lies in my own! I and we have no right to say what others only listen to the recording and reporting. - No, can not be said to be at fault. All in all, as once the source of all happiness in my whole existence, the root cause of all suffering exists in the whole of my own body. At first, I am full of joy around to hanging around with, go there, there becomes a paradise, open-minded enough to accommodate the universe as a whole, is this what I am not the same person? Now available, was dead Zhe Kexin, from which current can no longer see the happy situation; Kuse my eyes, can no longer Yingjie tears to my senses moisture; my forehead wrinkled even more terrible to come. I have a very painful experience; I have already lost their lives in the only happy, the only sacred, I am excited strength, I use it to create its own forces around the world, this force has disappeared!
I looked out the window of the hill, saw sunlight pierce the fog Kong, following the infiltration of grass covered with a quietly on the grass; have fallen in the Liu Si, a slow stream of the twists and turns Slow to flow to me ... ... Oh, if it so beautiful scenery, as has a similar painting in front of me not to move sluggishly moving, I can no longer entertain Yuet heart, it did have a sense of well-being, that my people as a whole In the face of God does not become a dried-up wells break a bucket of what Dier. I often down to the ground and burst into tears and pray that God, like a head on the iron is a blue sky, surrounded by dry land in the rain, like a farmer. An Dao mind: This being a cadre of highly educated countries, but also foster the reality we have to do, it should not seek every day, and asked to Billings, asked France and France from taking any action, file for the money that is the same as , So this is another, many of the network world, who can change? It is only (which I refer to all) into the history of it.
But, alas, I feel that God will not be because we are desperately pleading to write an article on the rain we have given Yang and customs money or the like! They still have to pity us and help us to do something that’s done. These may look back on my mind a sad time in the past, why they are so happy then? At that time, I very patiently look forward to his appeal to the spirit of me with gratitude, the undivided loyalty to accept her into me to cheer them up.
I - Luo Jun writer wrote this for the time being, the next set of Good-bye!
